


all the things he should've said

by excitingbanana



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Angst, Breakup Fic, M/M, minho is kind of an asshole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 08:49:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11528775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/excitingbanana/pseuds/excitingbanana
Summary: minho has a lot of things to say but he's too late. kim jinwoo isn't his anymore.





	all the things he should've said

Minho hasn't seen him in 5 years. The last time they met Minho was packing his bag while he silently sob in the bathroom. Minho hurt him so bad, that much he realized. There is nothing they can do about it, time has passed, and now Minho sat in front of his first love for the first time after they broke up.

"Jinwoo hyung, I'm sorry."

Jinwoo just smiled. That's what he always does. No matter who hurt him, he just smiles and forgive them. Minho feels like he doesn't deserve that. He doesn't deserve Jinwoo's kindness. He never does.

"It's been years, Minho. We're fine. How are you doing?"

Truthfully, Minho doesn't understand either. He's not doing so well. He's not fine. Everyday since they parted he cried and wished he never left. Things that used to matter the most for him, things that he thought he wanted the most like performing and fame, he realized that he didn't like it anymore. Not when those things don't have Jinwoo in it.

"I'm fine, Hyung. I'm doing great."

He didn't. He did, but he always feels like a failure. How can he not, when all his success came on the expense of someone's broken heart. All his breaking record sales, his albums, those sad raps about lost love; were all about Jinwoo.

"Yeah. I heard a couple of your songs on the radio. It was good."

Minho wants to scream. It wasn't good, at all. He wrote himself as the victim and Jinwoo as the evil bastard, the one who left. But his fans don't know the real story, so they worship him and bashed his "selfish ex who never supported Minho's dream". Yet Jinwoo still has the courage to compliment his songs, even the one where he is written as the bad guy.

"You look good, Hyung."

His hair is dark brown now, pushed upwards neatly. Jinwoo looks older, mature yet he still has the same soft face and kind eyes, the one Minho still lose sleep after. He's still the same yet he's also a whole new person that Minho doesn't know. Jinwoo traded his flannel and skinny jeans with expensive suits and ties. He grew up. Got a job, make a lot of money, not much different from Minho. When he left, Jinwoo's hair was blond. It looked good on him, on Minho's gripping fingers when he caressed him back when they were still happy together.

For the first time after 10 minutes of meeting Jinwoo again, Minho finally admit he wished he had never let go of him. He missed Jinwoo so much and now that he's in front of him, it brings back all their memories and Minho still wants that. Minho wants him back. Wants to hold his hand, to hug him, to love him like he does before. He never stopped loving him, it's just that he forgot. All his desires and ego wants so much more than his old life, it clouded his feeling; he wanted to perform, to be popular, to be filthy rich. But now that he has it all, he feels empty because he doesn't have Jinwoo. He dumped the love of his life for things that would fade away.

Human nature works like that. People always want something that don't belong to them, not anymore. Jinwoo isn't his anymore and that makes Minho wants him more and more.

"I'm really sorry, Jinwoo hyung."

_[Sorry that I left. Sorry that I put my dreams before you. Sorry that I was selfish. Sorry that I broke your heart.]_

"We're past that, Minho-yah. It's okay. I'm glad it works out for you. For all I know, by letting you go I helped you to finally reach your dream. God knows if you chose to stay with me, you wouldn't have been happy now."

No, Jinwoo got it all wrong. Minho is not happy now because he didn't choose him. 5 years ago Minho was a selfish bastard, he probably still is. He's the bastard who was drunk, spouting nonsense, breaking glasses and photo frames; along with Jinwoo's heart. He was the one who shouted at his boyfriend for being "a goddamm burden", he was the one who abruptly left Jinwoo alone in their new, still unfurnished apartment.

"Minho-yah, I sold the apartment. I hope you don't mind. I tried to live there for a year, and then I just can't take it anymore. It just.. hurts so much."

Minho nodded. The apartment was theirs, they were gonna start a new life there. Minho had just gotten a job with a music producer, Jinwoo was gonna get a teaching job, they were set to live happily ever after. But then Minho had to be stupid, and drunk, and hurt Jinwoo with his mean words. He still remembers what he said, he wished he didn't though.

_"An assistant. Huh. Just an assistant. I could have been a rapper. I could have performed in the stage too, you know. I am that good. but you never encouraged my dream, you roped me into this life. Into this domestic life you so wanted to have. I'm not ready to play house with you, Kim Jinwoo. I could have been so much more without you."_

Jinwoo was shocked, of course. Who wouldn't, when his boyfriend just came home late and suddenly shouting at his face about things they never even talked about. But he understood, he just wiped his tears and say the one thing Minho didn't expect.

"I'm truly sorry, Minho. I didn't know. I do support your dream and whatever you want to do. I'm sorry that I ever make you feel like I wasn't on your side. I will accept whatever your decision is. And if what you really want is to breakup with me then I will go. I just want you to be happy. I will not stand on your way."

The next thing was a blur, Minho just remembered shoving Jinwoo to the sides, shouting profanities at him and pack his bag. Jinwoo cried in the bathroom silently until Minho was done and everything was taken away. They didn't even say goodbye, Minho slammed the door and he was suddenly out of Jinwoo's life. He never came back no matter how long Jinwoo waited.

The next time Jinwoo saw Minho was a year later, when Minho was featured in a magazine as a rookie rapper of the year. And then Minho was everywhere. Magazines cover, billboards, radios.. singing, rapping about their failed relationship. Jinwoo knows that every song was about him, about them. He knows that Minho always wrote him as the bad guy. But Jinwoo didn't mind, he already promised to support whatever Minho wants and promised to not stand on his way, even if it was on his expenses.

"How are you doing, Hyung?"

Minho wants so bad for Jinwoo to say that he's fine after all the pains he put him through, but a part of him also wants Jinwoo to suffer without him. Minho realized that makes him sounds like an asshole but that is his true feelings. He wants Jinwoo to admit that he's not fine without him, because so is he. He wants Jinwoo back. It's only been 20 minutes and Minho is falling in love with Jinwoo all over again. He's falling hard and he wants, no, he needs Jinwoo to still feel the same way.

"Jinwoo hyung, I.. I need to say something..."

_[I'm sorry for everything I put you through and I know that I hurt you a lot, I was so selfish and mean and I was a complete jerk to you. I know I don't deserve this, but can you please, please give me another chance? I'm still in love with you. No, I never stopped loving you. Can you please forgive me? Can we please start over? I promise I will never hurt you again, I will make you happy. I will love you harder than I did before. Just please give me a chance.]_

"Yes?"

"Ah nevermind, Hyung. Why did you suddenly call me?"

"I want to give this to you."

Jinwoo presents a box. Of their memories, or what's left of it. Photographs, letters, keychains.. and a velvet box. Minho knows exactly what's on it, Jinwoo spent 3 summers working hard to buy him a ring, and he only gets to wear it for a month before he fucked up. Minho winced, remembering the time he threw that ring on the ground.

"I want to thank you for what you've given me in the 5 years we're together. You've been a beautiful part of my life, and the last 5 years without you helped me become stronger. I want to give this all to you because I know that you're the one who needs strength now. I've moved on, I'm finally happy. And I'm getting married next month."

Minho's world just shatters. The boy who still hold his heart, who would always have his heart is getting married to some guy that isn't him. Minho was stupid for thinking that Jinwoo would wait for him, he was stupid for hoping that maybe Jinwoo called him because he wants him back. He was stupid for thinking that maybe he can finally be happy with Jinwoo again, and finally stop making sad songs because his love has come back to him. He's just stupid.

"Minho. Minho? Are you okay?"

"Uh. Yes. Who.. who is he?" Minho asked. _Does he make you happy, does he ever hurt you, does he help you to forget me?_

"Some guy I met at grad school. You don't know him."

"Uh.. Good. Good for you. I wish you all the best, Hyung."

"Thank you, Minho. Ah, and thanks for meeting me. I have to go."

"Okay. Thank you, too. For everything."

Jinwoo stood up and left. But then he leaned down to whisper, "For what it's worth, if only you had call me a week ago, I wouldn't have said yes to him. I would've wait for you. I will always love you. But it's too late now. Goodbye, Minho."

_[I will always love you, he said that. He still loves me. He will always love me. I will, too, Hyung.]_

As he watched Jinwoo went out the door, his back disappearing into the crowded street, Minho knew he would make another hit song. It would be a sad breakup song again, cause that's what he knew the most. His only love had left and there's no way he is coming back. His muse was, and always will be Kim Jinwoo.

 


End file.
